Everyone loves a sticker. Kids love stickers. Teenagers love stickers. Adults love stickers. I love stickers, damn it. Stickers are among the few things in American society that transcend age, income, education, political affiliation and whether you understand how your television remote works.
We put them on laptops, water bottles, bumpers, refrigerators and occasionally on children who have demonstrated remarkable restraint during a dental appointment. Stickers say something about us. They announce our affiliations, celebrate our accomplishments and occasionally warn others that we have a golden retriever who is smarter than their honor student.
And this week, after exercising my constitutional right to vote, I was reminded of a deeply troubling deficiency in American democracy. There was only one sticker. And it was red. Seriously?
Now, before anyone alerts the Minnesota secretary of state, let me clarify that I am not suggesting widespread sticker fraud, election interference or a coordinated conspiracy involving the adhesive industry. Although, given the current political climate, I wouldn’t rule out a congressional investigation. I’m simply asking why, in a nation that celebrates freedom of choice, we’re apparently operating under a one-color sticker dictatorship. Red. Take it or leave it.
This seems particularly offensive to someone like me who has voted Democratic, Republican and Independent, sometimes within the same election cycle. I tend to vote for candidates based on what they stand for, what they’ve accomplished and whether they can complete a sentence without blaming their opponent for the weather. Call me old-fashioned. But red? Why red? Did someone hold a meeting? Was there a committee? Were consultants retained?
Did an expensive public opinion survey reveal that Minnesotans overwhelmingly prefer red adhesive circles to all other forms of civic recognition? And more importantly, were there snacks at that meeting?
For starters, where’s blue? Surely Democrats deserve a sticker that doesn’t make them feel as though they’ve just joined the opposing team. And purple? Minnesota has a long history with purple. We have the Vikings, Prince and approximately six decades of football-related emotional damage. Purple practically qualifies as our state religion. What about white? A perfectly respectable patriotic option, although admittedly difficult to locate once applied to a white shirt. Gray could be reserved for those of us who remain undecided until the final moment, or who voted primarily because we were already out running errands.
Green seems appropriate too. There is, after all, an actual Green Party, and it seems only fair that environmentalists receive something besides a paper ballot and a reminder to recycle it. Black? Elegant. Sophisticated. Goes with everything. And depending on whether we’re discussing pigments or light, either all the colors or none of them. I vaguely remember this from physics, although I was probably distracted by something involving a Bunsen burner.
The point is, we have options. Instead, we’re offered the electoral equivalent of a cheeseburger without cheese, a box of crayons containing only burnt sienna, or a Minnesota potluck where everyone brings the same tuna casserole. Technically functional. Spiritually disappointing.
And don’t tell me this is about cost. We live in a country that can spend billions on political advertising, much of it devoted to explaining why the other candidate is a dangerous idiot. Surely we can scrape together enough money to offer voters a second color.
Which brings me to my proposal: the Minnesota Bipartisan, Nonpartisan, Multicolored Voter Sticker Initiative. Or MBNMVSI, which admittedly sounds like a medical condition your insurance company refuses to cover.
Let’s establish a modest sticker fund. Give voters a choice of colors. Perhaps even a few designs. Nothing extravagant. No holograms, glitter cannons or collectible limited editions that end up on eBay. Just a little democracy at the adhesive level. I’ll personally contribute $500 to get things started. That’s right. Five hundred American dollars, voluntarily offered to government, which may be the first documented instance of that happening without a parking violation.
In fact, put sticker diversity on the next referendum. I predict overwhelming bipartisan support. Possibly the largest electoral mandate since someone proposed making Friday casual. But there must be safeguards. Absolutely no PAC money. No corporate sponsorships. No billionaire-funded sticker initiatives. No tiny portraits of candidates smiling at us from our lapels like political refrigerator magnets. We cannot allow Big Sticker to become another instrument of partisan influence. And for heaven’s sake, no campaign slogans.
The sticker should say only one thing: “I Voted.” Because that’s the one thing we actually have in common. We showed up. We participated. We exercised a right that millions around the world don’t enjoy. And in Minnesota, where we already endure winter, road construction and the occasional Vikings playoff appearance, I think we’ve earned the right to choose our own damn sticker.
Democracy is complicated. Stickers shouldn’t be.
Mark Walinske is a Minnesota entrepreneur and author with more than 40 years of experience in entrepreneurial and venture-backed businesses.
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